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Sunday 20 November 2016

My Toddler's Tantrum Story I will Tell My Grand-kids



Scene: Centre of a mall, much like the well-of-the-parliament-house, where all the big events are organised, it is visible from circular balcony of all floors in the mall. In short, a prestigious spot to perform. This is where Shah Rukh Khan stood some years back when he came to inaugurate the mall. But this day, unbeknownst to me, my daughter and I will enact a scene here, that will be etched in my memory for ever! For good and bad reasons all at once. Embarrassment, succumbing, firm disciplining, refusal to budge and eventual atonement, all attributes of a doting parent to be displayed by me in a matter of minutes.

Having finished my shopping, loaded with shopping bags, we make the last stop, the ice-cream shop. My three year old buy's an ice-cream cone and is still thinking what to do with it. She is just 3 and the ice-cream cone holds visual wonders for her beyond any imagination, it is not just food, it is a play thing. I get restless and lick just the pointy tip off her ice-cream before it melts and drops on the floor- and that is it! What follows would put any parent's patience to a test of highest order.

"Take it out of your mouth, now!" Yells my daughter threateningly. "I want it back, give it back to me," She pushes me, tries to get it out of my mouth and realising that it is all in vein, she falls flat on the floor in the well-of-the-mall, turning round and round and round like a ferris wheel. I stand there helpless for a few seconds, with the shopping bags in one hand and a now steadily melting ice-cream cone in the other, wondering what to do. Presently I realise the melting ice-cream needed attention, I lick it again. I then go back to buy a new cone of ice-cream, but there is a long queue there. No problem, there is another joint offering ice-cream cones at 7 times the price of the original one, but that is fine, Anything to stop this stressful and embarrassing tirade. "Here give me a cone," I ask urgently, to the man at the counter. "That will quieten the mini ferris wheel," I think to myself

"No I want the same cone, not this one." My daughter rejects the second cone as well, cantankerous and uncontrollable by this time. Now I have shopping bags hanging at one elbow and an ice-cream cone in each hand. One I have licked enough to claim it for myself totally, the other threatening to start dripping anytime. And an insatiable, unstoppable Ferris wheel on the floor. And then I get it. "If she does not want it, she will not get it." I throw both ice-creams in the dustbin right before her eyes. Now with both my hands free, I pick her up firmly and take her to the car. She continues crying inconsolably, up to the car and then all the way back home, the sub ten minute drive. By the time we enter the gate of our apartment, she realises that its over, her chance of getting an ice-cream is gone. She begins to cry now for another reason, the agony of not being able to eat any ice-cream at all, in-spite of the opportunities. I realise that this is too much of an agony for a three year old. And then I tell her, she still has one chance left of getting an ice-cream from the apartment grocery store, if she promises that she will never throw herself on the floor and cry! She says yes, and I hope she means it, as I jump off the car to get her the coveted ice-cream.

Its been five years since that incident, my daughter has never resorted to the throw-herself-on-the-floor-and-cry trick again. Did I get it right or did she just out-grow the phase?

Well I think a little bit of both happened. On that day, she learned the technique of negotiating. She learned that she can strike a deal if she is reasonable. She learned that her happiness is important to us, because she got her ice-cream finally, but she needs to behave, in order to get it. So, yes she outgrew that phase that very day, because she was given a message that day without a scar.



Saturday 12 November 2016

Superstition and The Indian Culture

My article ‘I Am a Mum I am Superstitious’ had an unsettling effect on some of my readers. While most who appreciated the article just clicked on ‘like’, ‘love’, “laugh” silently, frankly ‘this is what the article deserved’, besides may be a few chuckles! But some were disturbed to the extent that they went on to write long personal criticism about me, some were too personal and ‘ooops it hurt’! I have not met any of them. In fact this article is an outcome of an ‘article suggestion’ by, let’s just say ‘a friend’. And I thought "Why Not!" Most readers noticed the self-ridicule to some of my own idiosyncrasies, as I also justify some others at a certain level. Some came down lashing at me, particularly over ‘Kala Teeka’. Frankly did you not notice how I poked that one?

There was one brave soul who admitted, after criticising, that she is disturbed enough by superstitions in her own life. The gumption of someone justifying the whole thing bothered her deeply. It was a matter of sanity vs insanity for her, I presume. And I appreciate every jibe that I received. But it was a chuckle, some ridicule and some hearty laugh, that I had expected from all readers. Many missed the humour in the article altogether. 

It is because, without realising, I had raised a topic that is not limited to idiosyncrasy in India. It is a means to control! In India superstition gives some, the right to suffocate others. A culture where personal boundaries are not respected much, one person's immaturity becomes another person's bane. If mother-in-law believes that bahu (daughter-in-law) is apshakun (bad omen) because when she kicked the bally rice on the day she entered the marital home, it fell to the left and not right, it can completely ruin the bahu's life for good. If she decides that bahu's daughter is not good for the family, because it was raining on the day she was born, then the bahu and the daughter are both non-entities in the family. If she decides that.... oh let me not launch on the unfairness of superstition in our country. The fact remains that if one justifies superstitions, she needs to understand that people in India are bound in shackles of it and that not everyone has the appetite to laugh at such impertinent quirks. 

I am humbled by the remarks of those who felt that the article reflected anything but a hearty inquiry into a natural human tendency. I am humbled by the remarks of those who did not notice self-doubt over some of my meaningless superstitions. I feel our country needs to draw better personal boundaries, so people are free to be inconsistent within those limits and not force others to do things they do.

Not a superstition free culture but an affliction free culture. A culture where we can laugh at people’s stupidity without risking our own safety!  

Tuesday 8 November 2016

Corruption Incorporated- Ten 500, 1000 Craft Ideas That Will Make Your Home Rich



Rs 500 and Rs 1000, the way we knew them are Gone With the Wind! Modi, like a magician with one stroke of his magic wand made-them-all-go-away!!! And with that he killed two birds with one stroke. The ever mounting corruption has had a massive jolt last night and so has terrorism. On one hand all the black money stashed away in the gaddas (mattresses) of numerous homes have become just that, gadda filling! On the other hand the terrorist funding through counterfeit notes printed in neighbouring countries are now just good to play the game of "Monopoly" on the border. 

Most people with clean notes will not have this luxury that the lucre of the corrupt will give them. Well for those who can ‘afford it’, Corruption Incorporated suggests some art ideas to decorate their homes with. Till yesterday it was not possible, but today it is, bank notes make amazing craft.

1. Frame them: One 500 and one 1000 rupee note must be framed and hanged at the home entrance. Exclusive display in minimalist fashion.

2. Make a collage: Take a topic of your choice, tear pictures from newspaper take a bunch of 500 and 1000 rupee notes and tear them along the length, one note will give you approximately 4 strips. Stick your pictures on a black or white KG Cardboard sheet. Use the note strips to do the detailing. Alternatively use the bank note strips to cover the KG cardboard paper. Tip: alternate between a 500 strip and a 1000 strip for better effect. On top of this you may want to stick a few coins and a Rupee 100 note nestled in the centre of your artwork. Makes for an amazing centre piece in your drawing room, Frame it in Gold for better effect.

3. Flower making with 1000 and 500: Take a 1000 note and roll in into a stem along the length. Take a 500 note and fold it over diagonally. Do the same to five 500 notes, take a string and tie these folded notes to the Rs 1000 stem and your flower is ready. You can make a bunch and display it in a flower pot or just give it to an ailing relative in the hospital.

4. Fill a ornamental gadda: Take a huge bunch of 500, 1000 notes, make sure they are not in wads. If they are, loosen them up and fluff them by gathering them in your hands and dropping them in heaps, your last chance to hug them close to your heart and smell them deep! Repeat the activity at least five times. Take a fine white muslin cloth or a white net material or any white diaphanous material. Stitch the cloth into a cushion of your choice: round, square or rectangle. Fill it up with the fluffed up notes, stitch the gadda closed. Toss it over a side table as an item of display. 

5. Make a toran: You can get creative with this idea. Make torans or even curtains with your creativity, you will come up with ideas. Why just have the useless notes, add some large beads to make it more authentic. 

6. Origami: Why not, let your kid enjoy origami parties and make boats, rockets and ducks with the notes. They are 500 and 1000 times better than regular Origami papers.

7. Book Cover: Stick together the 500 and 1000 notes and make them into attractive book covers for your kids. 

8. Book Marks: Put one in every book, would you ever replace such a book mark? It’s perfect for your rich taste in literature!

9. Dunce Caps: Enjoy your parties with the 1000, 500 dunce caps. Wear them on your head they are so becoming of you.

10. Environment friendly paper plates! Now that is one use you will not regret. Use your money to save the planet. Serve pastas and french fries this birthday party on paper plates made of the notes!

Become creative, don't just sit there and sulk. Clean up your homes all over again. In Diwali you cleaned all dirt and now it’s time for the black money to go. India!!! India!!!!! 


Sunday 6 November 2016

I Am a Mum and I Am Superstitious



A thought of my baby makes words like hope, faith and ‘bundle of joy’ take tangible meaning, they come to life with splashes of colours and morsels of flavours. Like the colours of Holi that brighten us up and set us up for a whole year of happy surprises; like the unbounded feeling of joy, of a little child, on receiving the gift from Santa; like the tinkling sound of the temple bells; like the delicious viand that fills up the senses, not just the stomach; like the blend of aroma in a cosy spa that sets up a pleasant mood. All these feelings, all at once, they visit the mind every time I think of my child. Seeing her little feet walk, even now makes my heart skip a beat and sends my mind floating in a pool of elation, she is eight now, still innocent, still demure. How could just the known suffice to nurture such a phenomenal being, who resides in a cosy cave in my heart and touches every string of it, one by one with her nonchalance and simplicity every day? No way! The known is not enough, I want to be the jealous, superstitious Mum, the Mum who wants the universe to know that her little one is the angel of her heart and no one must mistake her for anything else, even the casual passing spirit in the air if there is, even remotely, such a thing possible.

There are times when we encounter the unknown, tell me if I got it wrong? That little creak under the kitchen sink late in the night when everyone’s sleeping, the eerie feeling of a presence that cannot be described, the wraiths in the darkness, the strange sounds from the terrace, that moment when you unknowingly turned to find you were just a whisker away from harm, had you not turned that moment. I am sure they can all be explained and a cynic will do just that! And why not, do it by all means, perspicuity is a virtue!

But if there is life, if there is life on earth at all, there is an unknown that is driving it for sure. Look at the magnificence, look at the diversity, look at the ubiquity- under the sea, over the hills, inside the volcano’s mouth and in the barren desert, life exists everywhere. An unknown which can be worshipped, no matter how hard we try to prove the phenomenon, we still feel like bowing our heads to it and worshipping it with the ‘sincerely yours and ‘yours truly’ fervour! Because life is not about knowledge, it is about faith. Everybody wants ‘kismet’ but no one wants to believe in the divine, not on the records for sure. Divinity is a private belief, and so is superstition, like unmistakable colonies of worms under rotting leaves on the surface of a rain forest, it is everywhere and never completely accepted as that.

I am a mixture of conventional and non-conventional. I still leave a little flour on the tava after all rotis are made. In olden days, the last roti was given to the dog! But since people became urban and dogs began eating Pedigree, there is very little hope of finding a qualifying dog, to have this humble repast. So the last roti is now diminished in size and is even, very often, replaced by a small drizzle of flour over the tava, just for the drizzler’s satisfaction!

I panic over which the direction of the headboard of beds in my house, East-West-North-South, we are all affected by the magnetic field of the earth I rationalise.

I am still a partial believer of not washing hair on Thursdays, but very often I don’t even bother and I wash everything up on a Thursday, hair, clothes, floors and the terrace, still there are days when I refuse to start the washing machine on Thursday and instruct my house help to do it only the next day. I have no idea which way I lean. I lean every which way.

And in complete contrast I am not a regular temple goer, in fact such an occasion presents itself few and far between, I do not even pray to God everyday with incense sticks and diyas, I just pray to God all the time mostly staying away from rituals.

I celebrate festivals by choice, I am not driven by traditions, I choose which traditions to drive. See like an obedient split personality, I leave no hope for an observer to judge me by my actions!
There is marked incongruence in my behaviour when it comes to believing and / or rationalising. And as I discuss this with my friends, it’s becoming exceedingly clear that each of us have such quirks to share. I reserve a few of these quirks just for my little one I lovingly call Chiku and Chipmunk and Chhotu pie and Putush and many more.

I whispered positive thoughts in my infant’s ears every single day, after she was born. Just saying nice things to her. Yes, she did not understand, but that did not deter me. Every morning without fail I whispered in her ears a little something that was truly phenomenal and positive. This is passed on to me by my Mother-in-law. But the moment she said it, I knew this was simply the most valuable suggestion she has ever shared with me and she ever will. She keeps bettering herself, but this piece still remains my top favourite.

I put the kala teeka just like every other mother. The black dot for her safety. After the much painstaking readying and making her dress like a princess, one big visible black dot on left of her forehead. It did not leave her till very long, maybe till she turned four. And that dot, quoting the most well-informed superstitious, made her immune to any negative energy around her! I am sure no one knows if it works, but I never did away with it, not for any logic, not for any science, philosophy or ontology.

This one I do every-day. I open my eyes in the morning and the first thing I must see, is my little one. I just have to do it. She is my lucky charm and at that moment over her sleeping figure, I say little prayers to God I know will be held in trust by the universe and disseminated in small bits over her lifetime. For she will be there much after my breath lasts, but my prayers would have overtaken her wherever she turns.


Being a mother makes me logical and superstitious, loving and firm, happy and worried, calm and cautious all at once. Like spandex I am pulled from opposing direction just so I can maintain my shape and not flop under my own weight. And I enjoy being a mother just that way!