Life is Not Fair, It Is Meaningful

"It's not fair" I hear this so often and its is not always that I can go on with life without feeling it myself and experiencing a jab in my gut. Life I agree is indeed not fair. But I don't know of anyone to whom life is fair. 

One fine day, while I was in a deep philosophical mood, I asked myself, if life isn't fair for everyone, is life deficient? Is life a loser? Is life worth the trouble? Is life even worth living and glorifying? 

Pat came the answer, 'No Way!' Not just any 'no way' in small italics, but a bold loud 'NO WAY' in thick bold font. The kind where you would need to first open your lips in a circle for the 'NO', and then pull it backwards and upwards like a joker for the 'WAY'. 

NO WAY! Life is not about fairness. Life is not a corporate workplace. We do not have a director-of-life. We do not have the VP or CEO of life either. In the act of living, we are all alone! We get feedbacks from the unfairness of life. The feeling of unfairness is like life's fuel indicator. If you find life unfair, maybe you are asking for more from life, much more than what life is willing to give. How about giving? How about giving when you feel that life is unfair?

Giving seems to be a mysterious activity. To begin with, what should you give? Not things, like peanuts, or alms, not even Gold. Give your ears, your eyes and your heart.. Listen, see and feel for others, that is what it takes. Most people will love you and cherish the moments shared with you, if you give just this much. 

Remember, not everyone wants to take what you have to give. Sometimes you may be overtaken by the desire to give, but you may find no one to take. You are probably at the wrong place. There is always someone who needs you. look for them. Don't be disheartened. Giving makes you a bigger and better person. But only if you give without expecting something back in return, not even appreciation.

Remember your teachers in school? You did not appreciate them back then. Not all of them. Not all of the time at least. Today, you probably understand the value of what they gave you, without expecting anything from you, not even regard. It is impossible to be liked by all, but it is possible to give to all. 

5 things you need to know:

1. Give without wanting something in return

2. Take what others give with gratitude

3. Don't take what you don't need, even if it is for free.

4. Don't get disappointed by others’ reaction when you give wholeheartedly

5. Move on, the moment you are done. 

1. Give without wanting something in return:  How can you manifest return? What you give is what you think you are giving, but it is for the recipient to take, in the way they need it. Have you ever said something without any intention to hurt someone, but have ended up confused because someone got hurt? Sometimes your giving may also hurt rather than help. You give what you have, often you may not have enough. But as you give more and more of what you wish to give, you will get more and more of it to give more away. Let go of the outcome! “Giving is not about getting back. It is about having enough that you can share it with others, without wanting a return.”

2. Take what others give with gratitude: Sometimes you may not like what you get. Just take it with gratitude, it's the gratitude that is important not what you got. You may think that someone gave you less than what you deserved or gave nothing. It is never about what they gave. The gratitude is for you to be thankful that there are people around who are willing to give. And you must encourage them even when they do not know how to give. Because the more they will give the more they will get more of what they wish to give. 

3. Don't take what you don't need, even if it is free: I remember returning the buy-one-get-one-free block of ice cream, frequently, because I wanted just one block of ice-cream and not 2. Taking whatever you get for free is a big mistake. Remember accidents also come for free. But the cost of it could be exorbitant. Don’t just take things that come for free. Leave it for someone who really needs it. Or for the giver to realise that they could make a better use of the give away.

4. Don't get disappointed by others’ reaction when you give wholeheartedly: Not everyone can like you and not everyone will ever like you. If the reaction to your giving is not to your satisfaction... you need an exercise in making peace with your ego. What you gave is what you had and maybe it was not enough. It is okay that you made an effort. You need not feel within yourself emotions which you did not intend to feel. 

5. Move on, the moment you are done: Once you have given, don't wait for appreciation or response, just move on, because you have done what you felt like doing, you need not delve into the act any further. Let the past be in the past, no matter how glorious. There is so much to do in life, why delve in things already done?

These are simple lessons of life but they can make a big difference to you if you adapt it and live it. 

Live your life the way it works for you… Make POWERFUL CHOICES and be the boss of your own life. 

With loads of love,

Rajat - Your Powerful Choices Coach. 

Not Everyone Can Be Like You

"Not everyone can be like you," my friend was being really kind to me when she said this... I took over the challenge of doing a Fellowship in Management (FPM) to take my research work in a more organised path. I have been toying with an idea of research for over 8 years now, never really getting any close to the real thing till now. 

Goes without saying that FPM involves deadlines, classes, tests and reports and of course the real research work. This is in addition to my business of coaching and training and my teaching work at an EMBA program. So I kind of have my hands full! but not really so! I have designed all my plans around my convenience. I don't have any external prompts driving my decisions. 

Let me explain how this works... 

1. I am not concerned about the marks I score, not certainly in comparison to my classmates. I'd rather get 100% on all papers, but in case I can't, I accept it as a handicap and try to consider my purpose of joining the course. And that is to complete my research. The marks will do nothing to augment or restrain it. So I am good!

2. I am not concerned with writing the best research paper. Because that is relative. I am concerned with writing a research paper which addresses my reason for taking up my research. And that has to do with uplifting women to a greater social equity. And I measure my results only with the ability to cause it. That objective is clear in my mind.

3. I am not interested in being present in all classes, but I am interested in learning all there is to learn. That keeps me away from the live classes and takes me into the mode of reviewing the recording of the classes with a faster playback speed! 

4. None of my classmates are my competitors. They all have their own purpose for attending the course and I just want to follow my purpose. 

5. My research is related to my work, so basically when I am working on my business, I am also in some way researching!

6. My overbearing passion is one. And that drives my every act. This keeps me levelled and unperturbed with small setbacks. 

In short, I am good... thank you. 

Now the question, why can't others be like me?

Because they worry about results in comparison to others?

Why should they? All my fellow scholars have attained some fantastic successes in their lives. I wonder if they ever recall these successes when they compare!

Because they want to match up?

Why? They can't be matched anymore. And I would have assumed that they have figured this out by now! But somehow our system keeps us away from the truth. 

So now I want to look at what really causes people to compare and to pull themselves backwards unknowingly but most certainly!

The constant comparison: We forget that we are aiming our comparison to a bunch of people who are shoulder to shoulder with us... but there are others, so much more accomplished, that we cannot even think of comparing with them, unless that is, we stopped comparing altogether!

The constant desire for more... there has to be a clarity about what we need more of, often it is just a desire for more, with no clarity of what exactly we need more of. So that takes us into the path of asking for more of everything... more of entertainment, more of food, more of fashion, more of knowledge and more of money. And that becomes a balancing act. There will be areas where we cannot have more of... so we compensate ourselves by saying, 'oh ok so what, I have more of these other things'. The bad news is that we often don't get more of what we need most of! Because obviously there is a higher level of challenge involved with those aspirations! Well that leads to mediocrity and we learn to accept less of everything, while blindly seeking more of everything!

Huh! 

And Double Huh!

The thing is, I wasn't always like that! But the toll that constant comparing took on my sanity, was not worth it. For once I felt like a total failure and for the other, no one was interested in what I was awesome at, because obviously they could not beat me in that! This is a lesson learnt from life! And it is working for me... Don't compare, don't compete.... just go for the real thing... life as it is, for you and for me! 

Divorce

That punctual servant of all world, the sun, had risen, it was a bright Sunday morning. Anuja woke up to her cell phone ringing at her bedside.

"Anuja, how can you be sleeping so late, and that too today. Remember today is my divorce hearing, and I want you to be on my side." 

"Anuja rubbed her eyes and poked Sunil on the other side of the bed. "Wake up Sunil, your friend needs you today, Lisha called me and I am going to meet her in 30 minutes, you don't forget to be with Rahul." Sunil turned over and slept again. 

Anuja got ready quickly, there was no time for breakfast, she decided they can have something to eat on the way. Sunil got up a little later and was getting ready too. 

Though Rahul had not called Sunil but it was understood that he would be beside Rahul in this most difficult day of his life.

Sunil and Anuja decided to take their own cars as there was a chance that the divorcing couple would need to be dropped off or would need a refuge for sometime during the proceedings. 

They agreed to eat at the courthouse breakfast joint, they both had heard about the awesome vada they serve there. They had just begun eating when Lisha joined them. She was hungry too and she ordered vada for herself. Rahul came in silently and took a table two three tables away. He may have seen them with Lisha so he did not join them. 

Sunil surreptitiously moved to Rahul's table after making a quick eye contact with Anuja. Lisha and Anuja kept eating without exchanging any words. 

Anuja felt a pang of deep pain to see how Lisha and Rahul's Divorce was causing a rift between her and Sunil too. They had stopped talking about the two of them some months ago, after realising that their friend's domestic struggle was bringing them apart too. 

But there were times when each of them would have heard something disturbing from Lisha or Rahul and would pass in a jibe to the other. 

"Your friend just dumped Rahul's work clothes out in the rain yesterday." Sunil would say.

"Your friend crashed in on Lisha when she was having lunch with her colleagues and yelled at her for being callous, in front of all her colleagues." Anuja would say.

But they both were slowly realising that their marriage was also hanging on invisible threads, and if they severed too many of them, they would fall apart too. So both of them consciously stopped discussing Lisha and Rahul at home. 

Anuja knew that today was not the day, still she wanted to ask Lisha if she wanted to rethink her decision. The couple had been living apart for a whole year. In this time Anuja and Rahul had tough time deciding who should be called to which party, who should be given refuge in their home from time to time when either of them suffered a breakdown. They were the closest friends of Lisha and Rahul. They were literally like family. 

Anuja said very cautiously, "Lisha, I know now is not the right time. But after today there will be no turning back. Have you made up your mind?"

Lisha looked up at Anuja incredulously, "Is this the time to ask this? You know everything that happened. You know I have cried for days because of Rahul." 

"Yes I know all that. I stuck with you in those times, but that does not mean I agreed to your judgments. I hoped someone would tell you where you were getting it wrong. Someone from your family. But no one intervened and no one understood. I have realised that we were the closest family you had and we were just playing it safe with your both. And I will not be able to forgive myself for not having tried."

'Thank you, Anuja, now you have tried and it has not worked, can we move on?" Lisha snapped. 

"No I have not tried enough. Just give m a moment, I need Sunil here. I need to talk to him." She messaged Sunil on his cell phone. Sunil was so engrossed in listening to his friend, he did not notice, she called him and asked him to check his message. It said, "Sunil I need you to come here."

Sunil glared at Anuja, what was she thinking, leave Rahul alone and go to Lisha? Bet he decided to go anyway. Anuja caught Sunil midway. She said we have got it all wrong. You should be with Lisha and I with Rahul. Let's swap. 

Sunil suddenly realised that there was sense in this, even if Anuja thought it up too late, there is nothing to lose. 

Anuja joined Rahul at his table. "Rahul what is up are you sure you want to do this?" She said without any preamble. 

Rahul was so stressed and restless, he looked up from his cup of black coffee and said nothing. Anuja knew she had the answer. But it was too late now. Lisha and Rahul were divorcing and their closest friends had not been able to reconcile them because they were busy picking an choosing between the two of them. What could be done! 

Suddenly, they heard a commotion from the courthouse and a gunshot. People were running heater skelter. Anuja called Sunil out alarmed, "let us get out of here Sunil." Rahul and Lisha had taken public transport. Sunil did not want to let Anuja go separately, so he suggested that they take his car back and leave Anuja's car at the courthouse. Rahul offered to drive Anuja's car back for her. Sunil said, "Anuja you are coming with me." Lisha was torn between them. She looked at Rahul, Sunil just told things about Rahul, which was not aware of, she was struggling with the information. She said I will come with you Rahul. Rahul said a curt okay. They rushed to get the cars and get out. 

They all reached at the same time. There was a commotion on the streets too, a riot had broken out in the city. Anuja and Sunil did not want Lisha and Rahul to go back to their respective homes alone. They insisted that they stay with them. 

No one knew what would come next but for some time all of them were exactly like they used to be before. Lisha and Rahul decided to stay with Sunil and Anuja for the night. 

They were both together under the same roof after a whole year. They were no more angry but they were heart broken. Anuja and Sunil were exhausted. They knew that the emotional journey they had taken with Lisha and Rahul and last one year was no less tormenting. 

They just did not have the energy to do it anymore. They could have been in grave danger today and everyone was glad they made it safely from the courthouse. 

The next date for divorce hearing would be decided later. Till then there was a status quo. 

"Guys I am not feeling alright," Anuja announced early in the evening, "I am going to sleep." Sunil followed her to check on her. He told Rahul how to get the extra mattress and gave him some clean sheets. He asked Lisha to use the guest bedroom and he retired with Anuja too. 

Somehow Anuja and Sunil were tired of taking Rahul and Lisha's problem as theirs and of separating themselves because of the estranged couple.  They did not offer to make any adjustments for them. They just did not want anymore of it anymore. 

Who knows what is in store during these days of deferment of the court's decision. It was just some days of deferment but it had been worth it. At least that was something, thought Anuja to herself as she dosed off.

Tailgating

No one ever gave me directions like this, Anuja thought as she heard this for the nth time from Sunil, "stay in your lane and maintain the speed limit." Sunil was a thorough back seat driver. He would not spare any opportunity. Anuja seethed with anger when he spoke non-stop as she drove, telling her how to drive.

"Incorrigible Sunil." She muttered under her breath. "But that car behind me is honking, let me take care of this." Said Anuja as she changed the lane. But she was not careful enough, the car in her blind spot honked and as it overtook her, she saw 4 angry faces in the car.

"We could have been killed." Sunil yelled, "what is up with you." Anuja knew that this would be replayed to her every time she drove in Sunil's presence. And that was it.

"What is with you, why are you not listening?" Sunil shouted anxiously, as Anuja kept changing lanes.

"We are being tailgated, that guy appears drunk, but why is he following us? Look...."

Sunil did not let her finish her sentence, he cut in, in an irritated voice, "... it is not possible Anuja, why would he tailgate you. You must be imagining it."

"Just keep watching that black Volkswagen, it is driving very close to us." Anuja pointed on the rear view mirror, sounding quite concerned.

"Why don't you just go to the left lane and let him go?" Sunil said.

"I did, he changes lanes too!" Said Anuja perplexed.

She showed the left indicator, and this time Sunil saw it too. The black Volkswagen changed lanes with them. A chill ran under their skin. They had heard of highway incidents of road rage and drunken driving. Those were very common in their city. This was different. This was a real car chase. It was deliberate and therefore disturbing.

Sunil looked back and tried to peer through the rear screen to see if he could recognise any of the passengers in the car. But he did not. The guy on the driver's seat was a chauffeur, in a uniform. He was not drunk and he was tailgating their car unmistakably.

When they saw Sunil looking back, the car slowed down. It picked up speed again when Sunil turned away. What was going on?

"You keep driving as if nothing has happened Anuja. Let me take care of it." Said Sunil at length.

Anuja heaved a sigh of relief and secretly thanked the tailgater for getting Sunil off her shoulder for a while. She decided she will message her friend later to thank her.

That was her friend's driver. Anuja had asked her to give them a shock just for some fun. And also to get rid of of one particular backseat driver and make him be just a passenger.

"It would not last for ever." Anuja thought, "Sunil will be the back seat driver again, but it had been worth it. At least that was something."

Easy Come and Easy Go

"It is was clear as writing on the wall! how did you not notice it!" exploded the trainer. "You spent two full years training for this event and now you have lost it, just because of some devious moron?" Anna had no answer, rather she did not want to answer. The coach would not have been so vehement if he knew why she blew up her chance, she thought. "If ever there was an opportunity, this was it!  Now you have to wait another two years to get into the national team! Why did you blow it up?"

Anna handed him the note she was clutching in her fist. He opened the crumpled piece of paper. 'I know about you and coach!' Said the crumpled paper! "What option did I have?" Anna said, pointing to the paper!

"You could have denied allegations. She was probably playing you. I told you she is deceitful and arrogant." The coach kept yelling, "I can assure you that and she knows nothing about us. How can she probably? Unless you told her?"

"Why would I tell her about us? I don't even speak with her a single sentence without starting off a fight! She handed this to me because she knew I would not talk to her! And what about you? Did you tell her." Asked Anna accusatively.

"Why would I tell her...!" Said the coach, faltering a little, "I don't make casual conversation with my trainees."

"Well you did with me! So what stops you from doing it with others." Interjected Anna.

"I wonder what you have in mind Anna?" Asked the coach exasperated.

Just then the door opened. "Is she taken care of?" Maria walked in, not realising that Anna was still there. "Ahhh.....," she said, Realising her mistake.

"so you guys are in it together!" Anna yelled. "What have you been up to behind my back?" She shouted at the coach.

"I am taking the side of the champion. Maria is in the national team, how can I not b on her side?"

"Why?" Anna asked eventually.

"Because I lost faith in you. You are too predictable. I needed someone with a bit of a cunning." Responded the coach, as if it was a mere training session.

"And you cheated me? What if I turn out to be cunning? I could have you fired. I just have to report that you seduced me."

"Ha, Ha, Ha, don't joke, you can't harm a fly!" interjected Maria. "I knew something was not quite right Anna, I found out about coach and you just by chance." Maria deviously explained. "I also knew that I wanted the coach on my side. So I played you and it worked! All is well that ends well"

"So that is it. It was merely about the team and you never cared for me?" Asked Anna to the coach.

"I did and I would," said the coach, "but you are gullible. I could break you so easily. And did you think it was true love and all that! I was just having fun. Weren't you taking advantage of me too?"

"Oh yes she was! She was sleeping with the coach and taking all his attention, while we other team members were competing for his attention!" Maria said contemptuously. "Admit it, you played all the wrong cards."

"Oh no, I did not come this far to just be dealt a wrong hand, I will not let you get away with it." Cried Anna.

"Sure you will," replied the coach, "you will find that I have reported to the authorities that you tried to seduce me. At this moment they are preparing your expulsion letter."

"And I will take care of the media, if you do not refrain from this mudslinging!" Added Maria.

It was a room full of self serving individuals getting into murky transactions, which they loosely called success. But Anna, Maria and Coach were just the same people, taking advantage of the situation to become successful. Does it matter who won?

Don't Bother Me Brother

I was on my way to the market and he came from behind me and slapped on my shoulder heavily, frightened I looked back and found it was only my brother. "Leave me alone," I yelled at him. But he never listens to me. He stayed with me through my shopping, tapping lovingly on my head softly sometimes and pulling my hair sometimes. No amount of cautioning stopped him. Brothers can be such a pain in the neck!

I was on my way to work and who do I find whistling at the back seat! Startled at first, but then I recognised him from that peculiar whistling sound. "Are you serious?" I yelled, trying to keep my car in control. "This is not funny, I am on my way to work!" He just laughed, giggled and roared all at the same time, throughly enjoying how he was annoying me. Brothers! I tell you...

I was in a flight and someone pushed me so hard, I almost fell over the passenger next to me. Not my brother again! He was right there. Smiling annoyingly. My brother I tell you does not know when to leave me alone!

I was in a meeting and my phone vibrates, I check the number and instantly know it's my brother. I run to pick it, otherwise that prankster, he will barge into the meeting room with some pretext. I really get pissed off with my brother.

I was sleeping soundly. I was even having a dream, and a loud thud awakes me, that had to be my brother. He does it every night. Every night he re-enacts his falling off from the balcony and dying. His blood ridden body on the hard ground of the driveway. I see it everyday. I never sleep past two a.m. and he is behind me everywhere I go. He believes he is guarding me from something. Perhaps the thing or person who tossed him off the balcony.

I have learnt to sleep early and get enough sleep before the thud. And even though he is annoying, he is my brother. I wish I could tell him, don't bother me brother!

The Unseen

There is a part of the world that remains unseen. Never seen, but they are not unperceived just because they are unseen. Think about it, if you can perceive it and not see it, what would it be? A ghost? Or just a mystery! What is the point in naming the unnamed or unseen?

My antique watch reminds me of one such unseen, the memory of my long gone ancestors. They were gone and mostly forgotten, besides for me and my nearest relatives. They would disappear even from the family memories after a few generations. The problem was that the watch ticked on its own whenever it felt like. And the other problem was that, I could not keep it away from me. If I left it anywhere it just found its way back to me.

For example, I lost it at the pond the other day. And guess what, a corpse surfaced from the pond the next day and on top of it was my watch. The police gave me a hard time, they said circumstantial evidence. I said it is the watch, it keeps coming back to me, no matter what. The police said, they have never heard such a lame excuse. Anyway, lucky for me the corpse was also holding a fistful of hair and it was established they were not mine. The owner of those ugly hair was found with a bald spot on his head and was hanged.

Then there was this train going on the railway track and I got just the idea. I left the watch on the track. And guess what! A dog came running from nowhere, picked the watch and brought it right back to me. And then it wanted a reward for that! I would tie it along with the watch to the railway line but I let go, because I knew it was not the dog's fault. I only tied the dog to the railway track, as a punishment.

Then there was this incident where I dumped my watch in the boiling cauldron of dal, being prepared for a party of 2000. I was sure that by the time it was found, it would be crushed out of recognition. The first cook to put his ladle in the dal, within seconds of me dropping it, fished out the watch intact in his ladle. This time I couldn't do anything. The cook had the advantage over me, I just dropped a stone so hard in the cauldron that the cook was seriously scalded and taken to hospital.

I tried mixer grinder, flour mill, sewage... and that sewage story is really something. I dumped the watch in the sewage only to be awakened by the police, late in the night. They were holding my watch. They said that there was a blockage in someone's outlet and that they found the watch and realised I might have lost it. I took it and said nothing. Just asked them whose sewage pipe it was. I burned the entire house later.

The watch was making me do all this. I did nothing on my own. The watch asked me to do it. It would tick just slightly and tell me who the next victim was. And trust me, I tried really hard not to listen to it. I even threw it away so many times, but someone finds it every time and brings it back to me.

If you ever find my watch, try not to bring it to me.