Scene: Centre of a mall, much like the well-of-the-parliament-house, where all the big events are organised, it is visible from circular balcony of all floors in the mall. In short, a prestigious spot to perform. This is where Shah Rukh Khan stood some years back when he came to inaugurate the mall. But this day, unbeknownst to me, my daughter and I will enact a scene here, that will be etched in my memory for ever! For good and bad reasons all at once. Embarrassment, succumbing, firm disciplining, refusal to budge and eventual atonement, all attributes of a doting parent to be displayed by me in a matter of minutes.
Having finished my shopping, loaded with shopping bags, we make the last stop, the ice-cream shop. My three year old buy's an ice-cream cone and is still thinking what to do with it. She is just 3 and the ice-cream cone holds visual wonders for her beyond any imagination, it is not just food, it is a play thing. I get restless and lick just the pointy tip off her ice-cream before it melts and drops on the floor- and that is it! What follows would put any parent's patience to a test of highest order.
"Take it out of your mouth, now!" Yells my daughter threateningly. "I want it back, give it back to me," She pushes me, tries to get it out of my mouth and realising that it is all in vein, she falls flat on the floor in the well-of-the-mall, turning round and round and round like a ferris wheel. I stand there helpless for a few seconds, with the shopping bags in one hand and a now steadily melting ice-cream cone in the other, wondering what to do. Presently I realise the melting ice-cream needed attention, I lick it again. I then go back to buy a new cone of ice-cream, but there is a long queue there. No problem, there is another joint offering ice-cream cones at 7 times the price of the original one, but that is fine, Anything to stop this stressful and embarrassing tirade. "Here give me a cone," I ask urgently, to the man at the counter. "That will quieten the mini ferris wheel," I think to myself
"No I want the same cone, not this one." My daughter rejects the second cone as well, cantankerous and uncontrollable by this time. Now I have shopping bags hanging at one elbow and an ice-cream cone in each hand. One I have licked enough to claim it for myself totally, the other threatening to start dripping anytime. And an insatiable, unstoppable Ferris wheel on the floor. And then I get it. "If she does not want it, she will not get it." I throw both ice-creams in the dustbin right before her eyes. Now with both my hands free, I pick her up firmly and take her to the car. She continues crying inconsolably, up to the car and then all the way back home, the sub ten minute drive. By the time we enter the gate of our apartment, she realises that its over, her chance of getting an ice-cream is gone. She begins to cry now for another reason, the agony of not being able to eat any ice-cream at all, in-spite of the opportunities. I realise that this is too much of an agony for a three year old. And then I tell her, she still has one chance left of getting an ice-cream from the apartment grocery store, if she promises that she will never throw herself on the floor and cry! She says yes, and I hope she means it, as I jump off the car to get her the coveted ice-cream.
Its been five years since that incident, my daughter has never resorted to the throw-herself-on-the-floor-and-cry trick again. Did I get it right or did she just out-grow the phase?
Well I think a little bit of both happened. On that day, she learned the technique of negotiating. She learned that she can strike a deal if she is reasonable. She learned that her happiness is important to us, because she got her ice-cream finally, but she needs to behave, in order to get it. So, yes she outgrew that phase that very day, because she was given a message that day without a scar.
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