I was in my teens when Mahabharat serial
by BR Chopra was aired on television. The Jarasangh Vadh episode, (where Lord
Krishna tears apart King Jarasangh into two halves) made a couple of eight year
olds to split-kill a play mate in a fatal play. The news was everywhere. Some
years later Shaktimaan was taking rounds and several kids jumped to their death
emulating Shaktimaan. Superman has had much the same impact on kids.
It appears as though those very
things which appear quite innocuous to us and sometimes even educational, for
our children, can have fatal consequences. Mahabharat was an epic serial and
parents in those days insisted their kids to watch it religiously. Shaktimaan
was a serial meant for kids, aired on the national channel.
The debate then comes to this,
how do we instil the right values in our kids if there is a stream of unintended
distractions? How do we save the kids from themselves? Judging by the
seriousness of the impact of serials like Mahabharat and Shaktimaan, I would
not consider Blue Whale half as risky as it is being touted on news channels
today. Because blue whale is clandestine, but these serials were being watched
by children under Parent's persuasion!
Some kids play dangerous games because
they lack the fear for life, some play them because they are disillusioned by
life in their own way, at a very young age, yet some others just like to
experiment.
Reading these crazy blue whale
suicides, one morning I woke up with a start, I wanted to know if all kids are
equally exposed to such threats. How can I protect my child? This being on top
of my stack of thoughts. Like all other parents, solutions to some of my
concerns, I realised, were not under my control. I cannot be spying over my kid
for example. If my kid is on the internet, I cannot always chaperone her online
activity. I have made her independent and I want her to be able to make the
right choices. Am I being adventurous in
thinking that my kid knows what's good for her? All the thoughts led to
nothing. I was going in circles. I was not coming close to any answers.
I decided I needed to go down
to their level to find why they do it. So I started thinking how I was in their
age. I had a turbulent childhood and teenage, I waded past due to the presence
of some very sensible friends. So my life is not exactly much of an example.
In those days the dangerous games were: Guys
smashing glass pane with bare hands just to impress a girl, love letters
written with blood, kids running away from home, a secret expedition to swim in
a river and getting washed away. Teens are challenging adults, trying to prove
they are better. At times these renegade behaviour cost them their lives. I can worry all I wish, but how can I stop
my kid from being her age?
I have walked on a parapet at
the terrace of a 4 storied building at 2:00 a.m. all alone. I was very desperate
then to prove to myself that I was not afraid! I remember the stress and pain I
was going through at that time. One part of me did not care if I lived and the
other, the basic human part, was scared of falling and dying.
I know that, the lack of
unconditional love during my childhood, left me without a solid base. I took
risks because I believed no one cared. A lot of kids grow up with much the same
emotions for various different reasons. Could that cause them to play dangerous
games?
Let’s not assume. I don't think
there is one single reason for this crazy behaviour, I have known my most well-adjusted
friend to take risks beyond her capability in a quest to show off her
smartness. The thing is, her parents made sure that she understood what the
consequences of her action could have been. Within a few years I saw the
difference, she was far more cautious and mature than I was and she had lost
interest in dangerous games altogether, while I was still fidgeting with the
same thoughts.
I have really invested in
trying to be a good parent, I did not have the examples to make me a natural
parent. I see my husband absolutely naturally be a good parent, I have to
learn. But like all parents I suffer from many limitations. One of them being
my own habits and responses! For someone who has been beaten as a child several
times a day on a daily basis, scolded and humiliated as a practice, I have come
a long way. But my impulses are counter intuitive to my desire to be a good
parent. I realised that I was confusing my daughter, I realised it when she was
still very young.
I decided if I cannot change
much about myself at least I can explain the reason for it. I spoke to my
daughter at length, even when she was three and four. Eventually this is what
she said to me one day, as I was speaking to her on our drive to her
pre-school, "Mamma I know you love me, but you get angry sometimes. I
don't mind it." I was touched by her wisdom. She was just a baby, but my
efforts were paying off. Goes without saying I felt my eyes moisten. Was I
really getting to wipe off the curse of my abnormal childhood? I have learned
to control my impulses better, I am still learning. But that should not come in
the way of my child.
And talking to her is just what
I do always. Every time I have a concern, I just voice it to her. She talks to
me openly. I tell her how happy I feel when she is happy, how sad I feel when
she is sad. She has cried on my shoulder at age five over a boyfriend. She
knows there is nothing she cannot share with me. Sometimes when her friends
tell her to hide something from me, she tells me all of it under the pledge of
secrecy. It is difficult for me to not
pounce on her with my idea of good and bad when she shares these things, but my
restraint has paid off.
Parenting seems to be the ultimate act of daring. Let’s not forget that more adolescents
die in India because for poor marks in board exams, than due to fatal games. There
does not seem to be any quick fix solution to the Blue Whale problem, or the Choking
Game problem, or any of such fatal games, but as parents we can take the place
of our kid's greatest well-wishers. We can guide
them at their pace and hope that they will tell us everything which bothers
them. And if they are confident to do that, let’s hope no one else takes that
place till they find the right person for it.
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