My Daughter's Father

To be a working mom, there is a simple recipe, Share parenting equally, Mom and Dad. My husband always supports my decisions, whether it was to work after my little angel was born, or to take a break from work, because my daughter needed more attention... She was becoming increasingly aggressive because of some reason and I needed to resolve it once and for all. 

Whatever be the circumstance, whatever be my commitment, father-daughter have always bonded together very well. She has grown up pulling his hair, sitting on his shoulder, taking pictures on his phone and his laptop, playing hide and seek with him, taking a ride in his arms, when she was too tired to walk, playing board games with him and fighting with him to win the games. Just as much as she has done those things with me. I see him tenderly press her head and whisper to her, when he comes down and finds her getting ready for school, put on her socks and shoes for her, even as I protest to let her do it herself. She may as well have two moms... only we both fill a different role...

If I did not go to park with my little one for a few days, I am sure to find that Papa has taught her a new trick or two in the park, whether it was climbing, hanging on monkey bars, walking up the slide, when she was smaller... or playing cricket, football, badminton, tennis, basketball and of course cycling. I must confess that the only sports I ever taught my daughter were, to drench herself in sand, till she was more sand than anything else, and to slide down a slide. Besides that, I have taught her artwork of different kinds, read her long stories from books, over and over till she remembered every word it and even after that, but sport is not my cup of tea. Her father makes sure she skates or cycles regularly, plays some sport regularly and keeps fit. Now that is what moms do, isn't it? 

My friends find it amazing that my husband can come back from work and immediately go to park with her, and also play with her and her friends. Some of the best videos of her are taken by her dad. In fact the one time when my daughter did not see her pic on her dad's phone, because there was a nice pair photo of us on his phone wall paper, she instantly objected to it and changed his wall paper, before he could even utter a word. Such is the relationship of this father-daughter duo. 

I always hoped for such a balance in life and I have it too. My view about fathering comes primarily from a research article published in Readers digest, which I read a few years before my daughter was born. It surprised me in many ways, some of them being:

- Fathers undergo hormonal changes during pregnancy and when their biological child is born.

- Fathers way of playing with kids differs from Mom's, they stimulate the kids by playing tricks with them, often annoying the kid. This is a natural process of preparing the kid for the outside world. Now you know, why you are always mediating between dad and kids when they play!

- Teenage girls, who have their fathers with them, are more balanced and well-adjusted and less prone to get into complicated relationships.

- Boys and girls alike are less prone to get into drug abuse.

- Children are more confident, choose good careers and do well in their careers, foster better relationships and are happy in their lives.  

Do you still think that mothers are the only indispensable pillar of the family? Would you still only say that, 'No one can love a child like a mother'? Wouldn't you also add, 'No one can love a child like a father'!? And that is equally true, because Mothers can't be Fathers.

Well, knowing all that, I have decided to play the tailor bird between father and daughter, when things go out of hand. But other times, which is most of the time, they are like best of pals. Fighting, shouting and playing with each other, without needing me much.

Therefore, I was quite surprised when my daughter started complaining to her Grand-parents (Papa's Mom and Dad) about him. We were visiting them for a vacation. I got to know that, she is quite upset with her dad. She wants many things to change in her dad, like how he troubles and irritates her, how he becomes hard on her when disciplining her etc etc...

I was surprised... I knew her concerns and I thought they were more or less under control. So I asked her one day, playfully... "Did you tell Dadi (Grand-mom) something about Papa?"

She was whispering now, "She is Papa's Mamma, so she will take care of him..." 

I said laughing, "It is good that you share your thoughts with your grandparents, but my dear, now Dadi does not have much influence on papa. Not like Mamma has, tell me what you want fixed about Papa."

We were both laughing now, she had many "Why Mamma", in between the little conversation we had. But now I knew, this was her nasty trick on her Papa, to get one up with him. All is fair in love and war... She had it all figured out, her influence over Dada and Dadi. Parent's influence over their son, in this case her papa. Hmmm some devious tricks up her sleeve huh!