"I have only one complaint about your child, she does not
submit her work in time." I mentally rolled my eyes in angst. My
daughter's teacher got a polite smile from me. We were at the legendary PTM
(Parents Teachers Meeting). Is it possible for a child to be perfect for 12
years of schooling? I wondered. This is her fourth year at school, middle
school freedom seems to have really grabbed my daughter’s attention. I know it
because she exclaimed one day, “Mamma classes 1, 2 and 3 were just a prep, the
real fun starts when you get to class 4.” I did not bother to dig too deep into
this exclamation, because it is perfectly like a child her age to talk like she
does! I wish the teachers had something more constructive to tell me about my
child.
How about telling me about fun activities we can involve her with at
home, which would complement her learning at school? No. How about telling me
some of her virtues before criticising her! Oh no. How about asking why she is
submitting her homework late? No not at all! ("Well, we have just moved to a new house," I would have
replied, “and that has kept us all a
little exhausted and consequently laid back in our regular activities!”) Oh
no no... teachers just want what they want, in time, every time and then all
will be well in their academic world. It is like having an elephant but talking
only about its trunk. I wonder why I am so reminded of C-3PO and R2-D2 of
Star Wars fame at this juncture! “Your-daughter-did-not-submit-homework…beep”
Would R2-D2 be such spoil sport? I wonder.
Let’s not digress. There was this one teacher who stood out from
the others. She was trying hard, really, really hard to say something really,
really disheartening to us about our child. A teacher also is entitles to cheap
thrills after all! And she was cut out from a traditional loom, where parents
went to school to be ultra-modest and to be told, “for all I care you gave
birth to a brat!” We did not show any interest in supporting her effort. We are
the new age parents after all. We know how futile school education is!
As an aftermath of our spoil sport behaviour, the very next day, this
teacher criticised my daughter in front of the class with a derogatory comment. Oh
well a teacher has her powers, doesn’t she? Funny though that my daughter is a
performer! Not that that makes her any better or worse than all children her
age. She is the apple of our eyes and has been so for much longer than she has
even lived!!!! I loved her when she was the size of a pea in my belly.
My daughter was taken aback by the comment and was quite disheartened.
She is a conscientious child, full of respect for her teachers. She came home to
me with this wistful episode to narrate.
I immediately understood the event for what it was. This was a
call from the teacher for am Armageddon with us. A teacher has her whims after
all! Now it so happens that she had once been our neighbour. I renewed
acquaintance with her during the PTM. My mistake. She realised probably in that
moment, that she had to perform her neighbourly duty. Albeit to an ex-neighbour
from distant past. She felt compelled to let down my child. This is a neighbourly
tradition since the start of time, trust me! Mother's boast about their
children much less than they indulge
in criticising their neighbour's kids. A
more easily accomplished task.
I have always taken a cautious stand in matters relating to my
child’s teachers. It was now my turn to surprise and even shock this genuine
piece of an ex-neighbour in her alter ego as the all-powerful teacher.
I bothered her not! Silence can be a perfect answer to so
much worldly nonsense that I wonder why it has not been declared a global
weapon of mass destruction in peace times! It can kill, trust me. It kills the
spirit of battle in any mortal. It leads to so much mental anxiety to the
active types, that it totally mows them down.
But I never fail to add insult to injury. And this is my way of
doing it! “Pity her” I advised my
daughter, "no one can hurt you for anything, whatever be the reason: bad
marks in a test, forgetting your homework, dozing off in class, whatever (I use
whatever for want of sufficient
reasonable examples and what a vast chasm it fills,), nobody will hurt you
unless the person is insensitive. You should pity a person who can be
insensitive to a child. Imagine what a tough life she must have lived!” My
daughter knows this trick right from her pre-school days. She immediately
remembered this old trick and was back to her confident self again.
"Yes Mamma, I understood," she said impatiently, because
it was time for her to change the topic. She does not like to delve too much in
unpleasant. It was signal for me to stop talking about the incident
immediately. And the incident was completely forgotten in her mind, pretty much
from that moment.
I don't see why as parent, I should worry about my child's every
test result, every homework and every bad behaviour. What am I? A vulture? Picking
on rotten stuff? I am a mere farmer, a gardener you might say. I prefer to
start fresh. I would rather sow the right values and hope that one day it will
germinate into right ambitions, achievements and personality. In the meantime the
little torpedo can go about hitting against the padded walls of school and home
with her little misdemeanours. As long as I have the blue print and the plan in
action. One might wonder how I can be so undisturbed and unperturbed in matters
of my child’s education.
Don’t get me wrong. Just because I am playing the passive mom,
does not mean I don't care. When it is needed, I ensure that my kid is
vindicated! I have the same genes that every mother has, I charge back
like a lioness or mother hen, a she ostruch or a she rhino at those who try to
sully my kid’s reputation.
I so wanted to tell my daughter that you should show your teacher
what you are capable of, in the next test... etc etc. But I had no desire to
stress her into performance anxiety. Poor kid cannot be caught in the cross fire
of two silly adults. It is still too early for that. Why bother her with
results, when I can set her up to do well without even letting her know? Or better
still when I have the choice to ignore the entire episode and just keep up with
my daughter’s learning process. Moreover, I will never be able to match the
insensitivity of the insensitive, I am better off just letting it go.
Having dealt with the daemon of the day, I fearfully pick my phone
and click on whatsapp. I am afraid I will learn about a test or a homework or
some school work, which my daughter has totally forgotten about. I read and
close the app. In fact I don’t even bother to read. I cannot remind her. She
needs to bear the brunt and learn to be responsible. Another PTM away from some
more feedback which has no bearing on my child's future. I remind myself that I
am an adult I can take that! Let the kid be!
I need not terrify my daughter with my insecurities and fears. And
much less with the insecurities and fears of her teachers and other moms. Since
time immemorial parents have been disillusioned in their effort to create super
achievers. It is so easy to get carried in that suction pump of Trojan
parenting! Trojan parents are those parents who do homework and project work for
their kids and disguise it as their child’s work. It is easy to not take the risk
of letting the child fail! But I want my child to be a risk taker. And
therefore I have to live in the fuzzy realm of good, bad and ugly all through
my parenting journey.
