Hey You Beautiful Girl,
Here is a piece just for you.
"Say Cheese" and I smirked, and there, my pic had been arrested. I am the century's most successful smirker! I remember that program on national geographic which explained how a smile is not a smile unless it shows in the eyes. And how most of our smiles end at our lips, incomplete. Often, eyes are too pained to smile.
Cheese is cheesy! Why would you want to cheese yourself into a picture? That is certainly not picture perfect.
Have you ever noticed how many expressions you are capable of when you are not watching yourself? Its funny how you'd immediately change your expression to a mirror! I am sure you do it! There is no way you'd want to see your puffed up angry face on the mirror. I discovered an expression that my nears and dears must have suffered most entire life with me... a sullen, helpless, angst - I get to name it too! And I was so embarrassed to discover it. And to also discover how smartly I transformed on the mirror, in moments: not even daring to acknowledge my perplexing, annoying, self deprecating, disdainful expression! Who wants to be stuck with people in their lives whose dominant expression is so discouraging. I wouldn't!
So the question is, how to have a perfect pleasant face, a face which need not shy away from the mirror, instead a face which brightens up everyone around, wherever it goes. And I am not talking about a picture perfect smile, I am talking about a forever smile.
Here are 10 things you can do:
1. Practice smiling: My meditation gurus, monks at a monastery in Thailand, taught this: Smile at someone or something... anyone, anything, 10 times a day. And I did. Guess what, I feel supremely confident near strangers now. And you know how strangers often make you self conscious? A big smile can make them so at ease in your presence, they will put you at ease in turn, with their warmth. Wow what a way to meet strangers, isn't it?
2. Appreciate your face: whatever way you discover it in the mirror today. Just appreciate yourself for whatever you are. Tell yourself, "You are Beautiful, I love you!" My top take-away from one of my soul healers, Louise Hay. I have only ever read her books, but she transformed me. The first thing I learned from her was to say to my image in the mirror, "I love you." You can't imagine how uncomfortable it was in the beginning. Because I did not love myself. I did not! Do you?
And today, I am so completely comfortable in my own skin, I don't need to keep reminding myself of how much I love myself. Because I have begun to see the world around me, which is so humbling, so beautiful, so diverse, so enthralling, I just don't need my ego anymore.
3. Make faces at yourself in the mirror. Be an award winning actor to your mirror. You can do whatever you choose, on the stage of your life. Including being the best actor in the story of your life. Can’t you? Well, give it a try. Smile, grin, stare, jeer, shudder, tease, pout, distort... whatever, to just know the range of your emotions. You may want to hate yourself. But you can always say... "You are beautiful and I love you," to those pathetic faces you make to your mirror. Remember the best actors are those who started acting before the mirror first. And isn't all-the-world-a-Stage?!
4. Click your angry face, chances are you will hate that person. You may feel like tearing the pic away or deleting it. But remember that face of pure anger. That is how mean and cruel you are capable of being. So you need not complain when others do the same. Just pity them and ignore them, because you have a tool to check yourself, which others don't. Your forever smile!
5. Ask for candid photographs of yourself. You can ask to be photographed candidly in an event. This will help you to find out how you interact with people. It may open up loads of truth about your personality to you. Trust me, you are the greatest stranger to yourself. You are capable of a lot more than you ever knew you could. Just see yourself from other's eyes.
Just the other day, I had a prospective client and I told her that she looked perplexed. She immediately smiled her prettiest smile to remove my doubt. I told her I'd click her when she was least expecting. I captured her real face and made her aware of what she was carrying on her face all day long. The face she wore, when she was not looking (at herself in the mirror)! That opened up a path for her to acknowledge her real problems.
Your face speaks volumes about you when you are not aware. Make those the best dialogues for you.
6. Think of all bad things you have ever done and love yourself for just being you. Yes, you need to accept your meanness, rudeness, jealousy, cruelty, all of it. If you think you are none of it... You don't know yourself. I wish you the strength and self-love to be able to know your darker side. You are a fine specimen of human, totally functional. Unless you are damaged in some way, you can function like all other humans and therefore you can also be awful, in fact you have the right and the license to be awful as much as you have the license to be sweet, mystifying, happy and joyous. Be proud of your self-knowledge of your own baser, darker, uglier side. Because your darkness does not disappear just because you are blind sided to it.
7. Click yourself early in the morning. Early morning, your vigour is totally unparalleled. Click yourself whatever way you are. Look at yourself, what do you look like early in the morning. You may know who you are, what you are seeking and why you are here on this planet. Don't smile for the click just click yourself without fluff.
8. Look out for your funniest photographs in your album and make a collage out of it. Keep all your ugly photos with yourself. You may or may not make a collage of it, but those are the photos which you will love the most when you are much older and life has taught you that it is not about those beautiful moments, but about every single moment, and therefore every single moment is worth cherishing.
9. Write a letter to yourself, promising to love yourself when you are at your worst, just as much as you would, when you are at your best. Yes please write a love letter to yourself. You know the kind where you tell your beloved how much you love the person, how you are happy even when they vomit, fart burp, cough, scream in pain or bloat! That sort of love letter. Love yourself. Be your own greatest well-wisher.
10. Thank the people around you for tolerating you to the fullest. Now you know how people around you have tolerated you. Don't worry if you are also having to tolerate them. Just go ahead and thank them for being there for you. Thank them for being part of your life. There are just a handful of people who truly matter, try to make your relationships as sweet as you can make them. There is no point in spreading misery in their lives and yours' by starting an ego clash with them, getting hurt by them, judging them, having unreasonable expectations from them, torturing them, allowing them to harm or torture you, not forgiving them, listening to them when you disagree... Don't mess up your handful of relationships. Just love them and 'be yourself' for them.
Finally enough about you. Do you know that when you train yourself to be pleasant and amiable, when you begin to love yourself, when you are unrelenting in your commitment towards you, who benefits most from it? Everyone! All the people around you flock to you, they can't be without you. People you don't even know start to connect with you.
Next time when you click yourself say CANDID! Just be you. You look good whatever way you are.
Love you,
Rajat, Your Powerful Choices Coach
