My very first impression of marriage was
from the Doordarshan Messages against child marriage and early marriage of
girls. Marriage was always made to sound as bad as, or even worse than kala pani! And it was always projected as a crime
against women, in those messages. It seemed marriage was detrimental to
education and self-growth of women. You must marry only after you have finished
your studies and worked for a few years, was a clear message. It seemed you can
have only one of the two, marriage or happiness. Marriage sounded like an
inevitable end to a woman's life. And I wondered if marriage is so bad, why
should one even marry.
A similar drama was unfolding in my home,
my Mother felt that she had been stunted by her family and kids due to early
marriage. Almost every day of my life I have heard her complain how she could
not complete her studies and go to work. And to top it, only because of us, she
has to slog all day. She had misjudged her life and her stature by many miles.
It was a pity to see her suffer as we grew, she was really unhappy.
I concluded that marriage was a dangerous
affair. Having children was not far from that. I made weird manifestations of
married life. It took a little talk from my brother, who first realised how I
felt for marriage, to bring my mind to some kind of a truce with marriage. And
I thank him for that from the core of my heart for having done that for me.
Because I saw all my dreams coming true only after marriage.
If we leave aside all the ills that
society keeps publishing and broadcasting about marriage, it is not a
punishment after all. Doordarshan is indeed responsible for bringing up an
entire generation of renegade urban girls. Particularly those who did not have parental guidance to help interpret those tragic
sounding public messages.
For me, for once, it was like a war. I had
to be strong enough before I got into it! Why is marriage made to look like a
dangerous weapon aimed against innocent girls? Why are they not made to believe
that it is a union of souls, it's about 'Loving,
Caring and Sharing', it is about getting a companion for life, it is about
finally becoming the master of your own life, it is about having children you
can love, it is about making a nest of your own? Why does society make the most
beautiful institution, sound like a ghetto for women?
It is not far from truth for some,
think of those heart wrenching torture some women have gone through. Some have
survived to tell the story, some were not even allowed to live, burnt alive by
the man who swore to protect her all his living life, some became baby making
machines, some were beaten mercilessly… And think of women who never will think
for themselves! No matter how comfortable a life they live they are just birds
in their cages. One look at the plight of these women and I want to declare war
against the human psyche, which causes someone to believe they can take woman
for granted. I want redemption for every life lost to marriage!
How will the society answer for this? For
killing love and making marriage into an assault weapon? What should a mother
teach her daughter? To love or to doubt?
I wish I had answers to these questions.
But then I learnt that if you, from the core of your heart believe, that the
world is good, the world will be good for you. It sounds simplistic, but if
destiny can't be controlled, the choice we get is to either go smiling or
crying, to meet it every day.
We cannot damn the institution of
marriage, it is a support system that has worked for thousands of years. It is
a natural choice one makes. Can't help contradicting myself para after para. I
am as much as each one of you, looking for answers, because one day, my child
will want them for herself...
Dear readers, these are only my
perceptions. I am sure some of you have had a more inclusive view about
marriage all your lives.
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