Bringing Down The House

I may have always been a mother. A girl is born with a certain number of ovaries or follicles, in her yet to mature body. Technically she is a mother of all these possibilities, even as she is born, herself just a possibility! But aren't babies brought home by storks? Aren't babies lost stars in the galaxy, who finally found homes? Aren't babies a gift of God? They are, yes they are. Why? Because aren't they miracles? Each one of them!

We are born with possibilities aren't we? Endless possibilities. Being able to become a mother is also one such possibility. But choosing to be one is not possibility! It is a conscious choice. And even though it sounds obvious that I should become a mother since I am a woman, I know, deep within somewhere, I chose to be one and therefore I am one. It really does not matter if you have a baby of your own, really. I was a mother by instinct, the way I bonded with kids, the way I watched over them and noticed qualities others had missed, the way I taught them, played with them, told stories to them, consoled and supported them and sometimes even fought for them, I was a mother always. The fact that I got my own little bundle of joy, who transformed me into a jealous, doting, obsessed, suspicious, guilt-ful mother, is actually incidental. Or is it?

I knew exactly everything about children: that is, before I had my own little darling. And it turns out that- that was exactly nothing! A naught, zilch if you may. I was indeed motherly, but being a mother was a whole new ball game, for the Braveheart material! I encountered some deeper secrets of parenting, no one told me about up until then. An onlooker is always blessed with superior knowledge, it is the parents who take the real brunt. Why is it that when the baby goes out, out for a ride I mean, not out of the womb silly, so does the big bag, looking much like a vacation bag, even if it’s just for a few hours? Why do parents pack of a week, for a 15 day vacation and still stress over what could go missing? How tactfulness does not always work with kids, at least not when parents are applying it, on their own offspring! Why children will throw tantrum in public and they all do, actually I don’t know why, I used to when I was not a parent, not anymore! Why do children cry their eyes out and can't be consoled, when the entire planet, with all its diversities, disputes, unrest and contradictions, agree on this one single thing, they all want them to be peacefully gambolling every minute of the day, again I learned I need not know why, eventually they just stop crying so it is okay. How a person, so scaled down in size, can bring down a 2000 sqft-super-built-up-area of a home and a multiple acres of a neighbourhood under her little toe? I in short learned what all parents learn, that this is it! This is that particular it! The ‘it’ I always wished for. The ‘it’ I never knew I had unknowingly bargained for, in all its enormity, in all its paraphernalia, in all its real world charm. This is it! And I bit... off a piece of my lip, to befit that it!

I don't remember sleep deprivation anymore, I don't remember diapering and cleaning up anymore, they are things of the past now. I wonder why parents even complain about it at all. And don't jibe at me yet, hold your ammunition for later. Those are the safest time in our journey as parents. A temporarily tormented sleep pattern is nothing, trust me nothing, in fact a-nothingth-of-a-nothing, as compared to what's in store. No big deal really. The big deal is: what we change, bit by bit, year on year, just for our children, we change ourselves!

How we talk, no F and Y and I and B and D words and please there is a cuss word with every alphabet, so no cuss words.

What we talk, don't complain - don't condemn and do not at any point please, criticize- applies to everything! Try that and you will know it is no child's play, but you will right? For your child!

What we eat, no complaining, I don't like lauki (Bottle Gourd) and karela (Bitter Gourd) and bhindi (Ocra) and arbi (Taro Root), please, the child is listening.

When we sleep, no late nights okay! Otherwise you will have a bag underneath each eye from waking up early to send the kid to school every day of the week.

Our manners, no fighting, no shouting etc etc. I am beginning to fail already in this life long test, the list goes on.

Our interactions, respect people you meet, no back biting and no grave digging.

How we express our feelings, no crying, no getting scared and all that stuff.

By now you pretty much know, it is an impossible task. Better just face it, perfect parents are myths written about in Parenting Books and magazines. They are the boo-boo for parents! Because everything, exactly everything in our behaviour and specially the negatives get reflected in our children's behaviour. We are their puppets! Pinocchios all! Long nosed trust me, because we do make ourselves look perfect before our kids as much as we can, or don't we? Ahem!

People tell me sometimes, and trust me it is really quite flattering, oh I love your parenting blogs, your daughter is really lucky to have you for a mom. Thanks for that! I couldn't thank enough. But I always correct them, and not out of any modesty, come on, only one who wears the shoe knows where it bites! It is the truth- I tell them, "I am lucky to have her for my daughter." Because I would never have been the mother I am, unless she drove me to it. In all these years of being a mother, my perceptions have changed. I have changed out of real fear that she might learn something I do not wish for her to learn! But then chuck it! I am a person too. And some day she will appreciate me for being just that, and no more. And that day, life would have come full circle!