Recently my husband was visiting the US... of A. Not just any visit. It was the wedding of his most favourite niece. His sister's daughter. Old and young alike, love her and dote on her. I do too. And naturally the excitement in the family was palpable.
Indian marriage is loaded with many customs which celebrate the older relationships, as we enter into a new one. Not because we all love each other dearly. In fact most of the family begins to hate each other quite naturally. Human nature, ego and all. But the idea is to accept and celebrate them all, so that the new relationships are not fraught with the memories of the bitterness of the older one.
This wedding was taking place in the US... of A. Post COVID. And I have a 13 year old who was not yet vaccinated. Even as Djokovic was being deported from Australia, psyched by the images of harrowing US visa process and a high probability of visa denial and also the soaring air fare, my hubby decided to go alone on this arduous journey to the US... of A. For practical reasons of course. He had an active multi entry VISA and my daughter and I did not. Absolutely husbandly behaviour. Especially one who has a struggling entrepreneur for a wife. Spending more than earning.
He very lovingly asked me what I wanted from the US... of A, and I very lovingly declined the offer stating in the modern Indian nationalistic attitude... We get everything in India! But... I said, I love the clothes you got for me from the US, why don't you get some this time around! And he said, "NO." Very husbandly. In 20 years of marriage, I have learned to take 'NO' from him with a pinch of salt. In short, all went well.
He carried a huge consignment of things that are found only in India, such as Indian clothes for wedding guests, gift from the bride's family to the wedding guests from different parts of the US... of A. He was a fully loaded cargo when he was dispatched from home. With one promise.... He would get us the 'Settlers of CATAN', a board game that both of us had played in the US at a friend's house and had loved. And of-course this was long overdue, so I did not say I wanted it. What if that changed his mind and he got something totally different?!? You know how husbands and wives tend to be totally disagreeable towards each other with time? A YES from one must be refuted with a NO from the other. That is the rule of the game. And we, me and my hubby are pro at that game.
Quite satisfied with our interaction, I took a sigh of relief as hubby touched down in the venerated soil of the US... of A. I had my own plans. My sister had driven down from Bombay, solo, all by herself, to be with me, as my daughter's summer holidays had kicked in. And She and I had plans. Serious plans.
My daughter, my sister and I rocked together for the ten days that she was here, while my husband was busy being our sole representative in a cross-cultural wedding, on the other side of the globe.
And then my sister left and my hubby arrived, like a warrior returning with his battle loot, in the wee hours of a Sunday. I knew he was here, because my dogs began howling. I ran to open the door in sleepy eyes and there he was. Heavy suitcases and all. Back home.
He went straight to bed and so did I. I did not bother him the next morning. He woke up finally at 12 pm and joined me for lunch. I had cooked a normal meal and served after a hiatus of 2 weeks. The three girls, my daughter, my sister and I, were too busy to cook normal meals all this while. All went well, besides that, that very day I had discovered something. I had discovered that Vaccination of my daughter was never an issue with us getting a US Visa and I was upset, naturally!
And then sometime in the evening he opened his suitcase. And right on top of it were 2 petticoats a nightie and a dress that I had discarded and my MIL had taken it for her maid in Ranchi. I wonder how it made its way to the US... of A and back to my home, remains a mystery. But My MIL had offloaded some of the undesirable clothes of hers into my hubby's luggage, in all innocence! Not realising that very angry DIL is waiting to pounce at it with pure derision and decapitating anger. And my poor hubby was right there at the receiving end of that wrath. I used the choicest words to protest the discovery in his suitcase. Specifically my anger was addressed to my US returned discarded dress and the petticoats! What on earth was he thinking? And I noticed him cringing under my senseless wrath.
My first impulse was to cut holes into those ill fated petticoats and the night dress and to punish my truant discarded US return dress by making it into a pochha (Floor Wipe). But then better senses prevailed and I let go of all of those clothes, but that discarded US return dress, that dress is not getting away.
I realised that we women owe it to our husbands to be the more modern version of mothers when their older mother is outdated with time and excessive dose of motherly innocence. I am responsible to teach him to know what he should and should not put in his suitcase, if he wishes for a safe transit to and from his familial trips. When you refuse to get a dress for your wife, you better not be carrying your mother's petticoats in your suitcase. That is extra baggage your wife is not going to welcome!
Fast forward to now, I am devising techniques to repair the broken egos caused by my jealous anger and to get us back to life as usual, very important for my kind of profession. I don't really need to take these little things so seriously. But I am glad I love my husband enough to be hurt by him.
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